Celebrating Sea Monkey Day with Amusing Amazon Reviews

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According to the listings on the Weird Holidays & Observances page, May 16 is National Sea Monkey Day. I’ve never taken a moment to honor it. Until now…

The Sea Monkey Story

I always thought it’d be fun to have sea monkeys. My sister is 14 years older than I am. She was the first one I remember introducing me to the concept of “sea monkeys.”

They sounded magical. Sort of like the picture I chose to accompany this post. That’s totally what I envisioned. Monkeys were always among my favorite animals to visit at the zoo. You mean you could “grow” some right in your own home? Ones that live in water? That’s what it sounded like she was saying.

I was maybe five or six at the time. I begged my parents to get me some. It was my sister, who had already “been there, done that” long before me, that helped back up their No Decision.

“Sea monkeys suck,” she said. “They’re very disappointing. All they are is shrimp. You won’t like them.”

I was a little crushed to find out they weren’t monkeys after all, but it didn’t deter me. The name was still fun.

“Why do they call them monkeys then?” I asked.

“Marketing,” my cynical mother answered. That went over my head at the time, but it was an answer I always remembered. (It also wouldn’t be the last time I heard it.)

“Well, shrimp would be neat too,” I persisted. I loved shrimp…eating them at least. New visions suddenly sprung to mind: my own in-home shrimp making buffet.

“They’re not the kind of shrimp you get when you order shrimp cocktail,” my sister said. Even with our age difference, she always did have an uncanny way of reading my mind.

Damn.

And that was it. My introduction to sea monkeys.

Sea Monkeys on Amazon

I’d pretty much forgotten all about the sea monkey story until I was checking out the weird holidays for this month and saw National Sea Monkey Day. That’s when it hit me: “No one to tell me I can’t have sea monkeys now. I wonder if Amazon has them? If so, maybe I should add them to the Skareporium?”

So I went to check and, sure enough, Amazon does sell sea monkeys. (Of course they do. There’s very little you can’t find on Amazon, right?)

Actually, in addition to a regular aquarium –or what they call an “Ocean Zoo”– they also have a Sea Monkeys On Mars aquarium and a Sea Monkeys Magic Castle.

However, my sister wasn’t lying. Overall, sea monkeys, no matter what aquarium they’re packaged in, do not get 5 star reviews on Amazon. (2.5-3 stars is the norm.)

Apparently they can be extremely disappointing to some. (Not all. But to most.)

Hatching Laughs

Do you read Amazon reviews? I do. For two reasons:

1. Education. Namely I want to educate myself about products prior to purchasing. Or not purchasing, if the reviews so sway me in that direction too.
2. Entertainment value. I don’t know if people mean to be entertaining with their reviews, but sometimes they are a freaking laugh riot!

In the case of sea monkey reviews, I feel both educated and entertained. Mostly the later.

Because the Schylling Sea Monkeys Ocean Zoo – Colors May Vary had the most reviews (over 600), I took some time to read through them. I figured I could get a good feel for the truth of the product from the variety.  

Oh boy did I get a good feel –in the pit of my belly from chuckling!

Here’s snapshots of eight that entertained me the most, starting with sweet memory makers, moving on to cynical, and ending with one I can raise my glass to. (If I don’t spill it from ROFLMAO.)

 

Memory Makers

That’s So Cynical

When in doubt, blame China

Sea Monkey Curious

Best. Review. Ever!

Check-In

Did you ever grow sea monkeys? What sort of things were your denied as a child that you thought it’d be fun to have or do?

More importantly, have you ever made a “well worth it, drunk purchase” on Amazon?

I sleep shop sometimes. I’m still toying with the idea of buying a sea monkey kit, not only to appease my inner denied child, but also because I think it’d make a great Skeleton Crew photo op project.

However, I’m not sure actually owning some would give me as much satisfaction as reading the reviews did. But if it seems to be a good idea in the wee hours when I wake up and log onto Amazon, I might end up with a batch of sea monkeys. I’ll keep you posted!