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You Know You’re a Ghost Hunter If…

This is a guest blog by William Collins. If you like this story and are on Twitter, let him know by sending him a Tweet via @Thor_2000.


It’s a lot funnier when read with a Jeff Foxworthy accent.

  1. If the power goes out and you pull out nighttime goggles and digital recorders.
  2. If you have more camera and photography equipment than a Japanese tourist.
  3. If your trips always involve staying in the closest available haunted hotel, inn or bed and breakfast.
  4. If you get a new camera and immediately ditch the strap.
  5. If you have more photos of orbs and apparitions than you have of your relatives.
  6. If you’re watching a haunted house movie and gripe about the inaccuracies.
  7. If you’re ever entered the local library and automatically know where the books on the paranormal are located.
  8. If you’ve ever remained standing in a spooky old house as your friends run screaming from the scene.
  9. If you’ve ever become giddy by the sound of a creaking floorboard.
  10. If the hot star of the haunted house movie you’re watching sheds their clothes and you’re wondering where the ghost is.
  11. If you’ve ever entered a long debate about the most haunted location in the USA.
  12. If you have a night vision camera constantly taping you when you sleep.
  13. If someone starts telling a ghost story and you finish it with the date, the time, the location and the witnesses involved.
  14. If your newest electronic toy is a EMF detector.
  15. If the ladies at the local historical society know you by name and gave you your own key.
  16. If you keep Zak Bagans and Aaron Goodwin on your speed dial.
  17. If you cried when “Ghost Lab” was cancelled on Discovery Channel.
  18. If you keep your EMF detector next to the remote for the TV.
  19. If you’re constantly buying and hoarding fresh batteries.
  20. If you’ve ever hauled a load of equipment to a funeral.
  21. If you’ve timed yourself on how long it takes to replace the batteries in your camera.
  22. If you ever been launched into a rant by someone asking if “The Amityville Horror” was based on a true story.
  23. If you have permanent indents in your head from nighttime goggles.
  24. If there’s a restraining order keeping you out of the local cemetery at night.
  25. If you have a sculpture of a haunted house on your desk with tiny plastic ghosts in it.
  26. If the cast of “Ghost Hunters” is on your Christmas card list.
  27. If you spend more time talking to your kid’s invisible friend than they do.
  28. If you’re deleting music from your I-Pod to make room for more EVPs.
  29. If your heroes are Hans Holzer, John Zaffis, Lloyd Auerbach, William G. Roll or Jason Hawes.
  30. If your attention is always diverted by deserted and abandoned old houses.
  31. If you’re still trying to get your hands on one of those proton accelerator packs from the movie, “Ghost Busters.”
  32. If you keep your infrared camera in a holster on your belt.
  33. If you’re ever caught yourself drooling at the new investigation gadgets or books on the paranormal at the local bookstore.
  34. If instead of trick-or-treating with your kids or giving candy on Halloween, you spend your time taping a brand new paranormal research documentary.
  35. If you’ve ever chased a Bigfoot Hunter or UFO researcher out of a patch of haunted forest.
  36. If you’ve seen at least every major haunted house movie at least ten times.
  37. If you have a photo of James Randi on the dartboard of your office.
William Collins
William C. Uchtman has spent much of life listing haunted locales from across the world. He is the author of “Volunteer Ghosts,” a book dedicated to listing obscure haunted houses in Tennessee. He is also the creator of the Collinsport Ghost Society website (The Collinsport Ghost Society, a fictional ghost society for fictional haunted locations from television and the movies. He also maintains or is affiliated with the following websites: * The Nitpicker Society for Dark Shadows * The Official Guide to the Mythological Universe * Unsolved Mysteries Wikia * The Our Gang Wikia * The Marvel Appendix

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9 thoughts on “You Know You’re a Ghost Hunter If…

  1. Funny how much more careful you become after reading all those debunkers though. I say it really makes one think

  2. come see all new creepyworld in september. they are  building saw 3d house. at creepyworld. cmroch

  3. Hi Andy! Glad to see you back. And once again you’re reminding me of Creepyworld. If they offer me a lights on tour, I’ll take it. I’m afraid it might be too intense for me!

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